Just Thinking...

I was driving down 512 the other day feeling so-so and got hit with a tsunami. I can't think of a better way to describe the dirge of emotions sweeping over me. Prior to the wave, I thought I was feeling pretty good, well, fair to middlin' as dad used to say. Then total trauma, Kenny, mom, the last few months with dad, all the unknown sweep of stuff waiting in the future...I was pummelled, literally and figuratively tossed about for a moment that felt like forever. The experts woud call what I had an anxiety attack. Perhaps, if we have to put a name to it. I almost pulled over to let it pass. But I didn't. I kept driving, taking it for granted God would take the wheel and get me where I needed to be.

I wonder when this will all pass. This thing we go through, this place we're in. I hate being at the in between spot. Kind of like a bomb went off, scattering pieces of life every which way, and we're left, desperately trying to put everything back together again; stumbling along. Some people seem to do it so much better than others. I wonder why that is? Are they just better at pretending? I wish I knew. Jimmy is like me, he doesn't know how to pretend anymore, any better than I do. So he stays away, hidden behind the painkillers, while I take refuge at night behind the mist of sleep.

Whatever.